Like this:

My Lord Mayor… My Lady Mayoress… My Lords, Ladies, Gentlemen, and members of the press, there comes a time when we must all stand up and be counted. I am standing up now, and can be counted.

One! And, with an election pending, ‘one’s are about to become singularly important. Because Britain is facing the gravest constitutional crisis… since 1380! And, you know, many of us still remember the dark days! And if we’re going to prevent the lights going out on our lives once more, we must ask ourselves crucial questions!

Where are we? How did we get here? Why did we come? Where do we want to go? How do we want to get to where we want to go? How far do we have to go before we get to where we want to be? How would we know where we were when we got there? HAVE WE GOT A MAP?

But surely, surely you can see my point. ‘Cos what I’m talking about is life. Because life is one of those things, isn’t it, that… that most of us find it very difficult to avoid. In the words… in the words of David Dimbleby, “life is uncertain”. My life certainly has a certain uncertaincy about it. And I’m certain that yours does to, and with your uncertaincy, and my uncertaincy, there’s certainly a certain degree of uncertaincy about… of that we can be… quite sure…

So, as a party we must not be frightened. And we must be prepared for this fight. It is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle, than it is for a camel to…

…that it is for a camel to. Because we don’t want to end up, do we, like the blind man, in the dark room, looking for the black cat… that isn’t there! Goodnight, thank you very much.

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